Purity

As a multi-generational church here in Parker County, we recognize that North Side is made up of all kinds of families – old and young, big and small – experiencing life and issues in so many different seasons. Our desire is to lead, care, and support you and your family no matter the makeup. One of the ways we are seeking to best accomplish this challenge is through our FAITH@HOME strategy which is based on a biblical belief that God designed the family as the primary place for discipleship.

To support this belief and your family, we have a great tool in our Faith Path initiative to partner with you as you guide your child’s spiritual journey one step at a time. It is based on age-appropriate kits that have been created to help you leverage the best faith formation strategy for your student’s stage of development. In this PURITY kit, you will find practical ideas and suggested resources to help you give your son or daughter a vision for living a life of purity. We urge you to start today by taking the following simple steps and look forward to watching your child and family grow in your biblical understanding, relationships, spiritual discussions, and life application.

STEP ONE: LEARN
Check out the provided video that explains this particular Faith Path step. This video comes directly from the original launch of Faith Path and is used in a partnership with LakePointe Church. You will hear from both experts and ordinary families as they share practical suggestions from their experiences. You will also find a guide that offers practical tips and what we consider the best resources on the topic.

STEP TWO: START
To help you discuss purity with your child, this kit includes a Purity Checklist to help your child define appropriate boundaries. You will also find a My Purity Commitment card for your teen to complete. We hope you find this kit helpful in the process of forming the faith of your child at home. It can be life-changing not only for your child, but your relationship with them and family as you walk through this kit and the Faith Path strategy together in the years to come. Feel free to visit with our staff below to learn more or to determine if your child/children are ready for other Faith Path steps.

Webster’s Dictionary defines “pure” as: “free from everything that might make dirty, change, or lower the quality; free from sin or guilt.” Purity is much more than refraining from sex or heeding a list of don’ts. It is a part of a bigger pursuit of HOLINESS. Our daily journey to live the way God desires for us. Sadly, our culture bombards kids with opportunities against holiness, even making fun of those who try to remain Godly.

STEP ONE: SET THE STANDARD
Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.” While Jesus Christ was the only person to live a life of total purity, He invites us to follow His example by fulfilling the purpose for which we were made. When it comes to purity, our children need to understand that their bodies belong to God first and to their future spouse second. 1 Corinthians 6:18-21 says, “Flee from sexual immorality…your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit…you are not your own…Therefore honor God with your body.”

STEP TWO: FOCUS ON HOLINESS, NOT JUST SEX
It is vital to emphasize remaining a virgin before marriage. But purity is much more than saying no to premarital sex. There is a current trend in teen culture to define purity as not “going all the way,” while anything else is considered fair game. God desires for us to have much more than “technical virginity” before marriage. If our first question is: “How close can I go to the line?” Maybe we should ask a different question like--“HOW CAN I FULLY HONOR CHRIST AND THIS OTHER PERSON?” God has a great plan for our hearts, minds, words and actions. Teach your teen that purity involves every area of life. If we’re not careful we become what we watch, text, or hang out with.

STEP THREE: GIVE A POSITIVE VISION
Give a positive vision of the purpose and joy of sex in the context of marriage. How parents model marriage and intimacy is very important for their children to experience. Nothing gives a child a positive view of God’s design for passion like basking in the love of parents who cherish one another and speak positively about the joys of marital intimacy. [It’s NOT just taught but caught]. Purity of heart, mind, and body is not only for our protection, but blessing as well. We too often think of God’s commands as a list of “don’ts” when they are really there to help us experience God’s best in all areas of life, especially in relationships.

STEP FOUR: AVOID TEMPTATION
Kids want to start dating younger than ever before. God made us with desires that are very good. But those desires can be awakened too early. So, talk to your teen about purity before allowing them to date and continue dialogue after they start the process. The topic can be awkward, so try to make the experience comfortable. For one teen that could mean scheduling a regular coffee date; for another it might mean chatting while hunting or attending a sports event. Find some context for keeping the lines of communication open.

STEP FIVE: PRAY FOR THEM
Commit yourself as a parent to cover your teen in prayer. Pray specifically for his or her holiness in relationships, a clean thought life, integrity in school and other activities. Pray for a heart that is connected to Christ and a mind immersed in God’s Word.

PRACTICAL IDEAS:

• As parents, discuss and agree ahead of time to a plan for your kids dating – appropriate age, “biblical borders” for a date – values of person, clothing, places, activities, friends, etc. Be specific and consistent with them, plan for accountability.
• Write letters to your teen. Share your heart and scripture instead of mere rules. Give them a vision of God’s plan for their lives. Plan a time to talk about the letter after they have read it such as a special breakfast or coffee date. Take time to listen to what they say and try to steer clear of teaching or lecturing.
• Have your teen write out what they want in a future spouse. As they get closer to dating, have them pull that list out and talk through the potential individuals that they are interested in dating to see if they fulfill that list. Ask the following questions: What would your future spouse want from you in purity? What do you want from your future spouse?
• Use the enclosed Purity Guidelines to help your teenager set boundaries and accountability to remain pure and pursue holiness.

Purity Guidelines Purity should be viewed as a small part of a believer's pursuit of holiness. As we seek to strive for holiness in our relationship with God, purity will be a natural outcome. There are some guidelines that it is important to discuss with your young teenager.

THE PURPOSE OF DATING: Use the following statements to frame discussions with your teen about when to consider dating.

• Spending time with the opposite sex to discover a future spouse
• Building a friendship without the physical bonds reserved for marriage
• A process intended for those approaching the age for engagement and/or marriage

• A time to kiss, touch or other forms of intimacy before marriage
• A status symbol among peers impressed by those with a boyfriend or girlfriend
• A way to boost your own confidence through attention from the opposite sex

• NEVER send a nude picture or ask for a nude from anyone
• Words you say through text messages are important and they never go away. Guard your speech to everyone you text.
• Your parents have a responsibility to install guardrails for your technology. Content filters, time limits, and regular checks are all protections to help you learn holiness.

Decide together where to draw the line in order to protect purity and prevent a broken heart.

• Flirting
• Side hugs
• Frontal hugs
• Holding hands
• Arms around each other
• Cuddling
• Kissing
• French kissing
• Touching/caressing with clothes on
• Petting/groping under or without clothes
• Oral sex
• Sexual intercourse

DANGER ZONES: Create a list of strategies that will help them avoid potentially compromising situations including...

• Never be in a house with the opposite sex without parental supervision.
• Stay in family areas of the house. No going in bedrooms.
• Doors of the room you are in remain open.
• Come straight home after a date. No “parking.”
• Only group date as friends until a designated age such as 16 or 17 years old.

EXIT PLAN: Create an easy way for your teen to flee a tempting or risky situation with the opposite sex. Discuss possible “code language” they might use when calling or texting for a ride home such as “I’m having a great time, but I don’t feel well.” This will alert you that they need to leave without embarrassing them in front of others.

GRACE: If your teen has already made mistakes such as viewing pornography or going too far with a boyfriend/girlfriend, read John 8 and ask God to help you model Jesus’ balance with the woman caught in adultery. You must clearly call the sin a sin so that your teen can receive grace through repentance. But offer hope by challenging him/her to start fresh and “go and sin no more.” Find an appropriate time to talk rather than react in the heat of discovering the sin. Coach them through the same steps to set new boundaries and accountability for the future. Offer grace and forgiveness, but also lead them in making a commitment from this point on to avoid further risk and harm to their purity.

How will you be intentional this next year?

• Pray daily for and with my child.
• Consistently spend time in God’s Word with my child.
• Bless my child daily.
• Schedule and have regular family times.
• Create a habit of worship with my child.
• Serve together as a family.
• Coach my teen to set healthy boundaries.

The next step on the Faith Path is Rite Of Passage, recommended at age sixteen. We will offer a Rite Of Passage kit to guide you.

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Passport to Purity by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Dateable: Are You? Are They? by Justin Lookadoo & Hayley DiMarco
Choosing to Wait by Laura Gallier
The Purity Code by Jim Burns
Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality by Jim Burns

© 2012 Inkling Innovations & Lydia Randall

Eric Adcock, Middle School Pastor
eric@nsbcweatherford.com
Jim Garner, Family & Missions Pastor
jim@nsbcweatherford.com